Day: 193

Well, it's New Year's Eve! Time for all those resolutions to be made. This year my resolution is to just live my best life and be healthy. Which isn't really a resolution, just something I should always do. I enjoyed 2010, a lot of things happened. I was ridiculously busy writing, directing and editing a show I created my last semester of college on top of all my other school work. I graduated college and went to New York City for a week. I moved to Los Angeles and got a job. The most important thing is I really started to focus on myself and realize what I wanted out of life. I spent a few months really trying to figure out what would be my main source of happiness in life. I haven't figured it out 100% but I think I know. 2011 will be about me trying to get closer to achieving that happiness. Being healthy is a big part of that.

Today was one of those days for me where I just didn't feel like doing anything. The last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. I thought about doing an exercise dvd but again, just wasn't feeling it. The sun was shining into my room so I decided I would go for a walk around my neighborhood. I threw on a sweatshirt, workout pants and my shoes, grabbed my iphone and headed out the door. It was a nice change of pace. I used to do the walk after work when it was still light outside. The entire walk is about three miles and takes me around an hour. It felt really good to be outside in the fresh air. The walk motivated me so when I got home I did some crunches, squats and wall sits. So I've gone 5 days of working out each day. I plan on doing something tomorrow too. I think Sundays will be my rest day where I don't do anything. I know I'll go crazy if I try to work out every day.

So, love or hate Oprah, I have found some insightful articles on her website. This article is one of those. It's titled "The Only Weight Loss Tip You'll Ever Need." The article talks about the importance of being active and how you'll only really stick to working out when you find a reason that truly matters. It gives a list of reasons people should be motivated to work out like fighting disease, losing weight and keeping it off, not sleeping well, and slowing the effects of aging. The next part is what probably resonated with me the most--throw away the excuses you've been using. My excuse was always that I was too busy and tired. After a week of working out, I now know that those excuses didn't really make that much of a difference. The last part of the article is about setting your goals. It has five questions listed that you are to answer about your goals. So I figured instead of writing out a list of resolutions, I'll answer these questions about getting healthy through exercise.

1. What is my exercise goal?
To exercise at least 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes.

2. What's the most positive outcome of achieving this goal?
This will help me lose weight and get in shape. Also, it will make me become the healthy person I should be at this age.

3. What's the main obstacle standing in the way?

My work schedule consisting of long days and me feeling tired.

4. How can I overcome the obstacle?
Go to sleep earlier every night so I still get the same about of sleep.

5. How should I achieve my goal?
By working out in the morning at 6am on the weeks I work from 9am-6pm and working out after work on the weeks I work 8am-5pm.

Answering those 5 questions makes me realize it really is an easy answer to my problem. I just need to keep my motivation up to stay going to the gym. Only positive things can come from this. I'm excited to see how my progress goes!

Happy New Year!! May 2011 be amazing for everyone!

Day: 194 (For real!)

So, I was only 2 days off with my guess! And today is actually day 194. Crazy to think I started this 171 days ago. I could've made a lot of progress in that time if I had decided to do something, but oh well. Here I am now.

I have successfully gone to the gym every day since I've joined! Today was a half day at work so I was home before it was dark outside. I decided to walk to the gym because it really is quite close. Only a 15 minute walk or so. There were only 3 other people at the gym when I got there so it was a nice work out. I forgot how much I actually enjoy working out. I grew up playing sports and being fairly active, even though I was still over weight. At my lowest in high school I was playing softball for my school. Practices were always tough and conditioning was my least favorite thing in the world. But damn does that get you in good shape. It's funny how looking back you realize you were in good shape but at the time you saw yourself as fat.

I think when I lose weight this time I'll appreciate it a lot more. Every pound really makes a difference. So does the effort you put in. I plan on walking to the gym again tomorrow since I have the day off. I'm also going to walk to drop my rent off. That could turn out to be a long walk but that's okay. The weather should be nice.

I've decided next week I'm really going to start to follow Weight Watchers again. I will definitely say I've been eating healthier this week. Funny how after working out the last thing you want to eat is a burger from McDonalds but instead something healthy.

I'm going back to where I went to school February 18th to meet up with friends for one of their birthdays. My goal is have lost 15-20 pounds by then. It's an aggressive goal sure but I think I can do it. I've lost weight so far without being truly focused and without working out. Adding in those two things should produce even better results. I don't want to get attached to the scale because I've been known to do that. Tomorrow I'm going to buy a tape measure so I can check my measurements each week, in addition to weighing myself. I've also found wearing form fitting clothes is a great way to keep yourself in check. Last week a pair of my jeans were a little tight for my taste. But I wore them to remind myself I didn't want my jeans to be like that. This week, they fit better. I read somewhere about making a challenge for yourself by trying to fit into a smaller item of clothing. When I went to New York City I bought two NYC shirts. They're definitely tight and form fitting. I've never worn them because I felt they were too tight. My goal is by the end of January to be comfortable wearing one. I'm going to take pictures of myself tonight to also see my progress. Probably not posting the pictures because I'm not comfortable being that exposed yet.

I am very excited for 2011, I think it will be a great year!

Day: I'm guessing 194

We'll see how close my guess is when I figure out what day it actually is.

I did it. I woke myself up at 5:45am and got myself to the gym. There were actually other people there surprisingly. My main goal was getting myself to the gym and I really didn't think about eating before I left. I just did the elliptical but as time was going by, I started feeling worse and worse. I was at 15 minutes and just felt awful. I had planned on doing 30 minutes, but by the time I reached 20 minutes, I knew I had to stop and thank god I did. Right after I got off the machine I felt like I was going to faint, I held onto the machine but knew I was right at the point before I went down. Not wanting to really start my day by fainting at a gym, I crouched down and put my head down. After maybe a minute I felt fine to walk out to my car and leave.

The importance from this is I learned that you really have to know your body. I've fainted a lot since I was in middle school. It's really nothing scary, it just happens to me more than most people. Since it's happened so many times though, I really know the signs for when I'm about to actually pass out. It's helped me prevent it from happening a lot. Today was just another one of those instances. I'm so motivated to do this and to try my hardest. But if I would've pushed myself to do 30 minutes today I definitely would've fainted right off the damn machine. And hey, my ass was up and out the door to the gym when it was still dark outside and I worked out for 20 minutes. That's more than I can say I normally do. It was still an accomplishment.

Work has been really slow this week so my goal tomorrow is to find a really good ab workout to start doing. If I have a "problem area" that would be it. Hopefully I'll find something good to post tomorrow!

Day: I'll Figure It Out Tomorrow

Well, I did it. I walked into the gym a few blocks down from my apartment, signed up and worked out. Probably that guy's easiest sale of the day. I realized something though today waiting to go down there and sign up.

I don't know what it is but it's hard for me to sometimes do things I know I should. I don't know why I do this. I did this with my student loans, by waiting until the last minute to actually see what I owed before the payment was due. Maybe I believe if I don't have to deal with it, it's not a problem. I'm not entirely sure. But, as I was driving home from work the excuses for not going to sign up for the gym began popping into my head... I was tired, it was a long day at work, maybe the gym is going to be too full, maybe I won't like the gym, maybe I should research other gyms, maybe I should buy new gym clothes first before I go. All stupid excuses that really weren't important.

So I got home and ate dinner. I told myself I would leave at 6:30 and slowly began finding ways to procrastinate online. Finally, I changed into my work out clothes. Put together my work out bag. Thought maybe I wouldn't go because I wasn't really sure what bag to bring. See how stupid my excuses are? It's almost like I reach for anything at all. And it wasn't that I didn't want to work out because I did. It was more the nerves of walking into some place I'd never been and signing up for it. I hate the unknown. For some reason though, my mind isn't put up with my inner voice's excuses. I decided screw it, grabbed my work out bag and headed out to my car. I even sat in my car for a bit before turning the engine on... maybe you should go another day, your car battery was dead this morning, are you sure you want to drive it? I turned the key and drove there, it's literally 2 minutes away driving. I plan on walking there some days, if it's not pitch black outside.

So I get to the parking lot. This inner voice was really trying to win. I sat in the car for a few minutes until finally I made myself go inside. I walked up to the counter and before the man working could even say hi, I just blurted, "I want to sign up to go here." And after filling out a piece of paper and asking a few questions, I had my card. Simple. Easy. Painless.

I spent so many hours worrying about nothing. I'd created all these problems in my mind that weren't real. Instead, I decided to do something about a problem that is real. Sure it's day one of going to the gym. Lots of people have memberships they never use, but I don't intend on being one of those people. I like my money and don't enjoy wasting it. Will I hate waking up at 5:45 to go sweat for 30 minutes? Probably. But in the long run it's going to be more than worth it. That is something I know. No excuse my inner voice can conjure up will change that.

I honestly don't know where this motivation came from. I'm not questioning it. I'm just following it. Following it to become the person I want to be, no more wanting, I'm actually going to do it.

I saw this video below a few months ago. It has stayed with me and from time to time I'll think of it. It's great motivation. You can change your life. It all starts with one step and a little determination to keep going.

Day: Who the hell knows

So, like most blogs I've made like this one... I forget about it/stop doing whatever I set out to do. I'm going to figure out what day I'm on, for now though that's too much effort. I really should be sleeping but this feeling is overwhelming so I figured I'd share.

I weighed myself today expecting to see the results of eating too much bread, too many cookies and a whole pan of green casserole to myself over the holiday weekend. Instead, by some Christmas miracle, I'm the lowest I've weighed in a long time. Over three years actually. The last time I weighed this I was on a crazy diet where I could only eat certain things in a certain quantity. Obviously it didn't work.

I'm still enrolled in Weight Watchers. They've switched the plan to something completely new and honestly I haven't even really looked into it. I'm going to though because I barely follow the thing and I'm losing weight. I can't imagine what will happen once I actually follow it.

Anyway, here's my moment that really made me come back and make a post on here. Regardless of the number on the scale, I looked into the mirror today and was actually happy with what I saw... completely naked. I'm not saying I loved it by any means, but I saw a shape that really wasn't half bad. It made me realize with a little effort, I could actually have a pretty nice body. Sure maybe this isn't an earth shattering revelation. But for me, it sort of is. I think part of the reason I've failed at losing weight before is because every time I looked at my body I saw something I hated and the whole process was really just filled with hate. Right now, I'm just so happy that I have the body I do have and am able to see how with several months of hard work it could be something I'm really proud of.

So, feeling entirely motivated, I ordered myself a new pair of work out shoes. I've had the same old crummy shoes since high school and they were actually an old pair of my mom's that she never really wore. I'm really doing this for me this time and buying myself new shoes as a form of something that will help me felt good. Tomorrow, I'm going to go join a gym that's a few blocks down. I say I don't really have time to work out and it's true my days are long. But if I don't make the time, nothing will change. I've been getting up so early lately that it's actually become easy for me to be up before 6. So, I've decided I'll go to the gym at 6am and just start my day off with it. Some weeks I'll be working an earlier shift and can go workout after work those days.

Honestly, I'm just so excited to start this and the feeling came out of nowhere. The number on the scale did make me feel good. I'm so close to being in a range I haven't been in since high school. Maybe that's what's motivating me. I'm so close to succeeding, why just give up? Why not put in some effort and really see where I want to be.

I'm not making any resolutions this year since those always seem to be made with the intention to break them. That's why I'm starting this next week, before the New Year. I'm just fucking going to do it.

I want to be a runner, so I am going to be a runner.

Day 294: Appreciate the Little Things

So, my big goal is rather daunting if I really stop and think about it. So I've decided to take the approach of focusing on little goals that'll add up to the big goal. Weight wise, every 5 pounds will be a little victory, those suckers will add up fast.

I also want to appreciate other smaller triumphs I have along the way. This morning while rushing to get ready for work, I grabbed what I thought were the jeans I normally wear. These jeans are comfortable but a little too big and baggy. I did mention that I fit into a size smaller jean and I still do, but they're tight. I had also washed all my jeans the other week and was worrying about trying on those jeans since I hadn't been eating well. The dryer shrink is never fun. So, as I grabbed the jeans and slid them on, I realized they were the smaller jeans but they slid on better than they ever had. And I hadn't worn them since they'd been washed! Small victory for sure.

If I look at the big picture, I can easily get discouraged and give up. However, focusing on things like this makes it seem a lot easier. I want this feeling again with a size smaller jean and I'm going to work toward that. Who knows what number I'll be on the scale when that happens but it doesn't matter. So, any other small victories I feel I have along the way I'm going to jot down just to remember if I ever get down and want to just quit.

I've also decided that I'm going to try my best to not weigh myself at home. I'll only weigh in once a week at WW. That way the scale stays the same and accurate. Plus, only knowing the number once a week makes it less likely to get upset about a gain in the middle of the week that wouldn't actually show up on my normal weigh in day.

Anyway, that's it for this post. Tomorrow will likely be harder for me since I'm going to literally be busy all day. We'll see how it goes!

Day 295: New Approach

Wow... well, maybe I've miscounted the days by now since I went so long with no post, but I do believe I went 50 days with nothing... that's somewhat insane. A lot of time to go by too. And I will say, during that time I didn't focus on health really at all. Instead, I was letting life get to me and just slacking off on focusing on this at all.

Well, last week I decided to make a change. I joined Weight Watchers because I need something that makes me work out and eat better. That weekly weigh-in is what I need to keep me honest with myself. While I can weigh myself at home, I can also lie and make up reasons for the weight gain like it's water weight or my clothes. The Weight Watchers scale, that tells no lies. And someone else is seeing what it says.

I did WW (that's the abbreviation for Weight Watchers that I'm going to use from now on, just so you know) a long time ago, back at the beginning of high school. It works, I lost a good amount of weight actually. It's frustrating to know what I used to weigh and how much closer I was to my goal weight then compared to now. But I've also realized that I need to stick with something like this or I just let myself go. Proof in being 40 pounds lighter 8 years ago.

So, if you know nothing about WW it's pretty simple. Based off a few characteristics, you're given a set number of points for each day. Every food has a point value, be it from 0 (vegetables) to 30 (some fast food burgers). Each day, you're supposed to eat to your point value, no more and no less. Well, there are flexible points you get each week so you can go over, but they're limited. Basically, the points teach you about portion control. It's nice because you really can eat anything you want, but if it takes up all your points, well then you're eating lettuce the rest of the day. You can exercise and earn points back to eat more but I never use those points. Seems silly to me. Once a week, you go to a meeting to get weighed in and there's a leader who leads a 30 minute discussion.

It's pretty straight forward and simple. As they explain it, it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. My first meeting was Saturday, I had plans that afternoon of being in a drinking tournament basically so I waited to start tracking my points until Sunday. It is eye opening to track every single thing you eat and drink. The portions are probably the most shocking. Something can be healthy but eat it at too big a portion and it loses it's health benefits. I got a DVD during my first meeting for a kick boxing type workout. I've done it two days in a row. It's pretty fun and fairly easy, still makes me sweat. I'm only on beginner but plan on moving up a level pretty soon for more of a challenge.

So this will be updated more regularly now because I am actively focusing on this. I really will be finding healthy recipes and snacks that are good for you. I'll share the good things I learn and probably my frustrations if I think I do well a week and find out I didn't lose much. It feels good doing this though. Even in three days, focusing on myself and what I'm eating has made me feel better. I signed up for a 2 month membership so I'm doing this for at least two months but plan on doing it for more. We'll see how it goes and how much weight I lose. 295 days to get into a bikini... I think it can still definitely happen!

Day 345: Baby Steps

Today is an accomplishment of sorts to get to the end goal of this whole blog. I am now one size smaller than when I started the blog. Okay, maybe not since I started the blog but since I graduated college. The only thing I've done to lose weight is change the way I eat. There's really been no exercise until this past week. It's encouraging to see any sort of progress. Makes me want to stay on track. Because while it is just one dress size, those can add up over time and become a huge difference. I'm two dress sizes away from being at a place where I'd feel comfortable, then about three dress sizes away from being at my goal. So taking it one dress size at a time is easier to look at. Right now I'm going to aim for losing one dress size a month. We'll see where I'm at by September.

It's not like I'm easily in this dress size either. The jeans are more snug that I'd like but I think it's better to be in tight jeans than my super loose jeans. One, they give me shape. My other jeans made me look bigger than I was, they were droopy drawers (say that with a southern accent, makes it funnier haha). Being in tighter clothes, you're more aware of what you're eating because you'd like those close to eventually become loose. That's my goal by the end of August, if I'm not a size smaller, I'd like to have these jeans become loose on me. I think it can definitely happen now that I'm actually adding exercise into my schedule.

I've found that I really love the walk I've made around my neighborhood. I looked on a website tonight to see how far it is that I'm walking and the walk is about 3 miles. So it's a good distance. No just walk around the block sort of thing. One thing I love about this area is how friendly the people are. Everyone says hello or waves when you walk passed them. It's an active place and it's nice to be apart of that.

I'm leaving for Seattle friday for my annual family reunion. I know I'll be eating a lot of junk and drinking probably so I'm trying to go super healthy this week with what I eat. I've become a Trader Joe's snob, ha, not really but sort of. It's my favorite place to shop. I don't even really go to other stores. Today I was wandering down an aisle and came upon thai yellow curry in a bottle! I haven't tried it yet but tomorrow plan on it. It looks just like the yellow curry I get when I go to thai restaurants.

Sundays have become my prep days for the week. I try to get everything ready that I'll eat all week. I made brown jasmine rice tonight. Cut a bunch of vegetables for salad. My eating plan for this week is:

Breakfast:

An apple

Hard boiled egg (still need to make those, my mom knows how to make them perfect and I'm waiting to hear back from her)

Lunch:

Turkey wrap (I got another tortilla type, have to comment on that tomorrow)

Carrots

Popcorn

Snack:

Clif bar (they were on sale and I realize at about 4 o'clock I get hungry at work so this should tide me over until dinner)

Dinner:

Salad with red/orange peppers, sugar snap peas, mushrooms, tomatoes, and cucumbers (so excited to eat that, I love vegetables)

Chicken with a cup of brown rice and some of the yellow curry sauce

Overall, I think it'll keep me interested enough to not get bored. The more vegetables I add to a salad the more I love it. It's fairly balanced too with protein, starches and fruits/vegetables.

I should get to bed to be rested for the week. I worked the weekend shift so tomorrow is day 8 of straight work. This next week will be a little tough! I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow to see if I've lost any pounds or body fat, hope so!

Day 346: Runyon Canyon

During my internship last summer there was one point that I realized I loved this city. It was hiking Runyon Canyon and overlooking this...

That was a picture I took last summer. Today was really smoggy and not good for pictures so I didn't take any, but expect some when it's a clear day. I'd say that beside going to the beach, hiking Runyon Canyon is my second favorite thing to do in LA. Lots of people bring their dogs, which only makes me want my own dog that much more. It's a good hike, kicks your ass and makes you sweat. Last summer I found it to be fairly easy since I was used to walking up hills in Pullman all the time. Can definitely tell that 3 months of not walking up hills and having a desk job has taken a toll on my body.

Depending on the way you take, the hike can be different. We went down the stairs which is tricky because it's steep and the stairs are sandy. Once you're at the bottom, you hike back up a paved path to the very top. The views are amazing the entire way. Celebrities hike there, but we didn't see any. It was just nice getting out of the apartment and doing something. Definitely need to make hiking there a weekly occurrence.

Day 347: Positive Energy

A few years ago, I got into feng shui. Bought myself a book on it and decided to try and feng shui my life. A big part of feng shui is energy and how certain spaces can have positive or negative energy. A lot of what I did in my apartment after reading that book was to bring more positive energy. Since then, I've become a big energy person. I like to surround myself with positive energy and try to get things out of my life I feel bring me negative energy.

Lately, I've been in a funk. I guess you could say a neutral energy, nothing positive or negative... just kind of there, going along each day doing what needed to be done. I finally had enough of it and started to really focus back on myself. First thing I did, I stopped going on facebook. I know it sounds silly, but going on it everyday multiple times a day makes you get involved in other people's lives whether you like it or not. If you read their status updates and what they write on other people's walls, you're getting into their lives. And frankly, I'm done being involved in other people's lives and taking their negative energy and bringing it into mine. It also bothers me that's people's main way of communication now. I'm sick of learning about things over facebook instead of getting a call.

So, I stopped going on that and I instantly started to just feel better. The other night, I impulsively decided to go to the beach at night. My roommate drove so I decided to leave everything at home. Including my cell phone. I just wanted to be completely in the moment of what I was doing. I missed two calls while I was gone and you know what? I was completely happy with that. I called them back, it really wasn't a big deal. It felt so nice to be completely unconnected from people and focusing only on myself and what's going on in my life.

So this week, I do feel a lot more positive and happy than this time last week. However, I have one huge source of negative energy that I don't know what to do with.... that'd be my roommate. I don't like talking bad about people behind their backs but here I go. The thing that bothers me more than anything is how absolutely lazy he is. He stays up all night and sleeps all day. I come home from work at 7PM and he's asleep. ASLEEP. I go to bed around 11PM and he's still asleep. The instant I walk into my apartment, I just get this overwhelming feeling of negative energy and it's coming from him. He makes me not even want to be in the apartment.

I've found the greater source of happiness for me is to be outside. Doesn't matter what I'm doing as long as I'm just outside in the sunshine. My favorite time of day is my lunch break where I eat outside and read. So today, when I walked in the apartment and instantly felt bad, I decided fuck it, I don't have to be here. So I went for a walk. No idea where I was going. I was just walking. The city is set up on a grid and I know the way streets go so I wasn't worried I'd get lost. I ended up walking for an hour. Found that we live near the equestrian center. When I save up enough money, I think I'll get myself horse riding lessons. Riding horses when I was younger was probably the happiest I've been in my life. I kept walking, on a road I haven't driven down since I was here last summer, and found a park. With public tennis courts. I've been wanting to play tennis so bad lately. As I walked I could feel my mood getting better. I was able to clear my mind and be in my own little world.

I'm really trying hard on finding what makes me happy. This past week I figured a lot of things out. I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason. I think the reason I randomly walked tonight and happened upon the horse stables is to make me realize I should be riding horses again. I know that'd bring me happiness. I feel like now our society is so focused on other people and making other people happy. Well you know what, fuck them, I'm going to make myself happy first and then think about their happiness. Life's too short to worry about others.

Day 350: I Like That

Since I'm no longer going to bars on a weekly basis, I am missing out on one of my favorite things to do. No, not drink. I miss dancing. Whether it was dancing like a fool to 80s music (my personal favorite) or dancing with my friends in a more club like setting, I loved dancing. I never even cared that I sweated off my makeup and my hair became a curled nasty mess.

Now, I don't dance really ever. I used to start my morning by dancing around. I should do that again. If you didn't know, you can now make YouTube video playlists. Amazing. So while this playlist is by no means complete, here's my dance playlist with songs that make me want to dance that I've heard this summer. Normally they come on while I'm stuck in traffic and all I want to do is put the car in park, hop out and start dancing. I'd probably literally get shot if I did that, this is LA and people have places to be five minutes ago.

So, I'm going to start making these playlists and then when the mood strikes, put one on and have my own personal dance party. Feel free to steal this playlist, I don't know how you wouldn't want to dance hearing these songs.

The playlist is:

"I Like That" by Static Revenger and Richard Vission ft. Luciana

"Gettin' Over You" by David Guetta and Chris Willis ft. Fergie and LMFAO

"Shots" LMFAO

"I Like It" Enrique Iglesias

"Rock That Body" Black Eyed Peas

Day 351: A Funk of Sorts

Well, to report back on those sun dried tomato habanero tortillas, they are indeed delicious! I'm going to keep trying out new kinds after I'm done with each pack.

So, I think it's safe to say that in the last week or so I've fallen into a funk. I'm not sure

what brought it on but it's likely the point in my life that I'm at. It's very weird to go from being at school everyday to realizing the rest of your life will be spent working. I know some people enjoy them, but cubicles drive me fucking nuts. It seems almost like a jail cell with a computer at work. I'm stuck in it for eight hours of the day. How most people eat their lunches at their desks boggles my mind. I need to get out of that building for an hour to clear my head and just be outside enjoying the day.

It kind of hit me that for most people, working everyday for the rest of their life is what will likely happen. I don't want that. I need to find something to do to where I'm able to create my own hours, work wherever I want and not need to work everyday. I mean don't get me wrong, I understand the economy is not well and I'm very grateful to have a job in the field I w

ant to be in. I'm just realizing I won't be happy if this is what I do for the rest of my life.

Last semester I realized that you have to be doing things that bring you pleasure and you look

forward to everyday. Right now, I'm missing that in my life. There's nothing I look forward to when I wake up, except going to sleep that night. Which is why I say I'm in a funk. I'm really evaluating everything and trying to figure out what I want from life and how I can achieve that. I'm really not pessimistic but no one has any idea of how long their life is really going to be.

You could live to 100 or you could die tomorrow, no one knows. So I want to spend as much time of my life absolutely enjoying what I'm doing. Waking up each day excited about what the day brings. Not dreading it wanting to stay in bed.

So while my goal of this blog is to be in a red bikini, I really just want to be at a point in my life where I'm entirely happy with everything--my body, my mind, and what I'm doing in

life. Anytime that I start to get down on things, I like to look at pictures and remember the beauty there is naturally in the world. I think that's something I've realized, I want to be out in nature more than confined to a cubicle.

Here are a few pictures that I can't help but feel good when I look at...

Day 352: Hectic Life Schedule

So, I always say I'm going to write in these blogs everyday. Then life happens and I forget how busy things can become and how this always falls to the back of my to-do list. I'm now going to try and post something at the same time each day and make it a routine. So around 9pm, I'll sit myself down and write out some random thought for the day.

I have yet to join a gym, forgot that you need to have money to do that and well, while I do have money right now, I also have those oh so fun things called bills. So after this next week, I should be a member of a gym. I did buy myself a scale today. I got one that not only calculates weight but body fat and water percentage. Very eye opening. It's honestly what I need to kick my ass in gear. I'm very good at thinking "oh you've been eating well, you've had to of lost a few pounds, go ahead and splurge today!" When in reality, I have lost nothing. So a scale keeps me on track. Now I'm way more interested in seeing that body fat percentage go down than the weight number.

I've been eating healthier lately, well healthier compared to when I was in school. A normal day consists of cottage cheese with slices of red, yellow, and orange bell pepper. Lunch is normally a turkey wrap with spicy hummus, tomatoes and lettuce. Some popcorn and a handful of carrots. Dinner is brown rice, salad, and some chicken. A very simple diet. Honestly, since I moved, I haven't fully stocked up my kitchen with the essential items yet. So I have gone a month and a half without putting salt or pepper on any of my food and I don't miss it. Finding natural ways to bring flavor to food is more exciting and tastes better.

So my new favorite thing ever is Trader Joe's Spicy Hummus.

I recommend anyone who has a Trader Joe's nearby to run out and buy it immediately. I used to be a person who loved mayonnaise and mustard on any sandwich or wrap. Now I only put on this spicy hummus and it tastes better than mayo or mustard ever did. To add a bit of spice to my brown rice, I also put some in there. I'm slightly addicted to the stuff.

I've also been trying to find the best wrap tortilla/flat bread to use. I used the Whole Wheat Lavish flatbread to begin with, which is delicious. However, each piece is two servings so it ends up being a bit more calorie wise, around 240 calories for the flatbread alone. Next thing I tried was the Trader Joe's brown rice tortillas. I would advise people against these. They don't taste the best and are really dry and flaky. By the time I got to my lunch, the wrap was more of a broken tortilla mess that was hard to eat. I even tried warming one up to make it more pliable and it did work a little. But the bland taste was hard to cover up. So today I bought a third type of tortilla to try. It's a Trader Joe's sun dried tomato and habanero handmade tortilla. I made my lunch so I'll find out tomorrow how it tastes and report back. They look really good.

So I guess that's it for now. I plan each week to say how much weight and body fat I've lost. I'm too vain to post how much both those numbers actually are.

I'm in shock that it's August at the end of this week. I know these 365 days are going to fly by, so I need to get my ass in gear now!

Day 364: Stress

So, my job has aspects of it that are a bit stressful. That's one thing about having a creative job, your work is always being criticized and you're supposed to be so creative that you can come up with a million ideas on the spot. If only it was that easy. So after talking with my mom, she gave me the motivation I needed to go find myself a gym this weekend.

Working out is a great stress reliever. Which I know is true from personal experience. If I'm pissed off at something or someone, nothing makes me feel better than working out super hard. Also, if you're a creative person, working out has an effect of getting your blood flowing which can clear your mind and actually help you come up with ideas once you're done. Which is lovely.

So, my goal this weekend is to go find a gym and get myself a membership. There's no real chain gym close to where I am. I believe there's a YMCA and Burbank Athletic Center, then I've seen some gym that looks like a club from the outside. I just need me a good elliptical. Maybe if they have the machine called the Cybex, which is like a super intense elliptical. My friend Lauren and I decided to do it at the rec center last year. It kicks your ass in like half the time, it's crazy. But an awesome workout.

Anyway, I need to get myself in shape somewhat quickly because I signed myself for a company softball league that starts in Mid-August. I can hit a ball, throw a ball, but if you need me to run the bases I am definitely not going to be that fast. So I need to get my speed up. I've heard the teams are actually pretty competitive. Also that they're a great way to meet people outside of the department I work in. So it should be fun.

So after this weekend, I will have no excuse for not really working out anymore and hopefully relieve a lot of this stress my job is creating.

Day 365: New Life, New Blog

Thanks to a great idea from Irene, instead of continuing on an old blog, I've started a brand new one. Which I believe is good because it's full of positive energy from the beginning. So the title, again, thanks to Irene, is Project Red Bikini. Why? Because I'm giving myself one year to get into a red bikini. Why red? Because, it's a sexy color and looks good against tan skin. Plus, fuck the always slimming choice of black. My goal is to not care about what color I wear, I will feel good in anything. So a year is quite a long time. However, in 22 years, I've managed to fail at goals like this. So what will make this year different?

To start, I've started a brand new chapter of my life. I have a real adult job and work a steady schedule for the most part. No more crazy college schedule where I spend countless hours on campus for class or studying. I can now get into a normal schedule of when I eat breakfast,

lunch, and dinner every day. One plus of I still have from college, I still live like I'm a cheap college student. So instead of going out to get lunch each day, like many people do where I work, I make my own lunch everyday. Way healthier. Second, I'm living in LA. It's full of beautiful people and actually a lot of not that attractive people. But your number of attractive people is still abnormally high. It's kind of like the fraternities and sororities from college never go away, except the people are in their 30s and 40s... but still look 20. Oh science. So, a fun trip to the beach is more like being bombarded with perfect girls all around you in little bikinis and huge boobs. That part is not fair... probably not real either. So, of course there is motivation to be a little more like that in the future. Minus the fake boobs. And third, I'm 22 years old. Enough is enough. I'm sick of saying I'll do this, tomorrow, next week, next month. Bullshit. They were all excuses. I'm doing this now, for me more than anything. I want to be completely happy with myself and be the healthiest I can possibly be. I owe it to myself.

So, today is day 365. The countdown now begins to get in a red bikini in exactly one year, on July 12th, 2011.

I don't know yet how I'll track progress. I'll probably go buy a scale regardless of how bad it is to be tied to a number. It's good to know what that number is for me. I can lie to myself all I want that I haven't gained any weight when in fact I've gained like ten pounds. So the scale isn't a sick obsession for me. It keeps me on track and doesn't let me lie to myself when I slip up.

So, in this you can expect recipes I come across that I enjoy and exercises that I find are helpful. Currently, I'm being cheap and refusing to join a gym so I must come up with exercises I can do at home.

Well, that's the first post for now. The countdown has begun!

And I know this bikini isn't red, but it's bikini inspiration nonetheless!

Now, lets just pretend that bikini is red and bam. Goal to be at in one year. Time to make it happen!