Day: Who the hell knows

So, like most blogs I've made like this one... I forget about it/stop doing whatever I set out to do. I'm going to figure out what day I'm on, for now though that's too much effort. I really should be sleeping but this feeling is overwhelming so I figured I'd share.

I weighed myself today expecting to see the results of eating too much bread, too many cookies and a whole pan of green casserole to myself over the holiday weekend. Instead, by some Christmas miracle, I'm the lowest I've weighed in a long time. Over three years actually. The last time I weighed this I was on a crazy diet where I could only eat certain things in a certain quantity. Obviously it didn't work.

I'm still enrolled in Weight Watchers. They've switched the plan to something completely new and honestly I haven't even really looked into it. I'm going to though because I barely follow the thing and I'm losing weight. I can't imagine what will happen once I actually follow it.

Anyway, here's my moment that really made me come back and make a post on here. Regardless of the number on the scale, I looked into the mirror today and was actually happy with what I saw... completely naked. I'm not saying I loved it by any means, but I saw a shape that really wasn't half bad. It made me realize with a little effort, I could actually have a pretty nice body. Sure maybe this isn't an earth shattering revelation. But for me, it sort of is. I think part of the reason I've failed at losing weight before is because every time I looked at my body I saw something I hated and the whole process was really just filled with hate. Right now, I'm just so happy that I have the body I do have and am able to see how with several months of hard work it could be something I'm really proud of.

So, feeling entirely motivated, I ordered myself a new pair of work out shoes. I've had the same old crummy shoes since high school and they were actually an old pair of my mom's that she never really wore. I'm really doing this for me this time and buying myself new shoes as a form of something that will help me felt good. Tomorrow, I'm going to go join a gym that's a few blocks down. I say I don't really have time to work out and it's true my days are long. But if I don't make the time, nothing will change. I've been getting up so early lately that it's actually become easy for me to be up before 6. So, I've decided I'll go to the gym at 6am and just start my day off with it. Some weeks I'll be working an earlier shift and can go workout after work those days.

Honestly, I'm just so excited to start this and the feeling came out of nowhere. The number on the scale did make me feel good. I'm so close to being in a range I haven't been in since high school. Maybe that's what's motivating me. I'm so close to succeeding, why just give up? Why not put in some effort and really see where I want to be.

I'm not making any resolutions this year since those always seem to be made with the intention to break them. That's why I'm starting this next week, before the New Year. I'm just fucking going to do it.

I want to be a runner, so I am going to be a runner.