Day 184

Sometimes, life throws you an extreme curveball and you've gotta deal with it.

For the time being, I'm taking a break from this.

Day: 191

Well, it is officially 2011! Of course New Year's Eve brought eating too many chips and cheeses. Also, way too many beers. I gained a little bit of weight but what can you do? Nothing but work hard to lose it!

I haven't been feeling very motivated to exercise lately. I did walk yesterday to drop my rent off except our landlord was having a midday party so I just turned around without dropping it off. I was planning on walking back there today but it has been raining all day. I don't know what it is about the rain here that just puts me in a funk. I think it's that it reminds me of Washington and that makes me depressed more than the rain itself making me depressed. So I mean, I've done something everyday since last Monday but I still feel like I haven't worked out enough. I might do an exercise dvd today, I know I should. I just don't have all the motivation to do it. I found on netflix you can instantly watch exercise dvds! I'll definitely be trying a few of those. They have some dance ones, as well as core training.

Today I took the dreaded before pictures. Because I will have after pictures dammit! While I wasn't necessarily happy with what I saw, I wasn't horribly upset over it either. It could've been worse. I can see the areas I really want to target. Stomach, thighs, obliques and back. I like my backside better than my front side, haha. I've decided I'll take pictures at the beginning of each month to see if I can actually see any progress. Hopefully that'll be good motivation to keep going.

This week I'm going to really follow through with the new WW plan. My goal for the week is to track everything I eat. I'm very good at not tracking and eating more than I should. I really want to stick with it and see what happens at the scale Saturday at the meeting. There's a party I'm going to on Friday. I'm trying to figure out what my game plan is going to be for that. I might drive myself there so I can say I have to drive home and avoid drinking. I'll figure something out as it gets closer.

Have you ever been in a mood where you're hungry but nothing sounds good to eat? I've been like this for weeks now. It sucks and makes it a lot harder trying to plan out everything I'm going to eat for the week.

Day: 193

Well, it's New Year's Eve! Time for all those resolutions to be made. This year my resolution is to just live my best life and be healthy. Which isn't really a resolution, just something I should always do. I enjoyed 2010, a lot of things happened. I was ridiculously busy writing, directing and editing a show I created my last semester of college on top of all my other school work. I graduated college and went to New York City for a week. I moved to Los Angeles and got a job. The most important thing is I really started to focus on myself and realize what I wanted out of life. I spent a few months really trying to figure out what would be my main source of happiness in life. I haven't figured it out 100% but I think I know. 2011 will be about me trying to get closer to achieving that happiness. Being healthy is a big part of that.

Today was one of those days for me where I just didn't feel like doing anything. The last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. I thought about doing an exercise dvd but again, just wasn't feeling it. The sun was shining into my room so I decided I would go for a walk around my neighborhood. I threw on a sweatshirt, workout pants and my shoes, grabbed my iphone and headed out the door. It was a nice change of pace. I used to do the walk after work when it was still light outside. The entire walk is about three miles and takes me around an hour. It felt really good to be outside in the fresh air. The walk motivated me so when I got home I did some crunches, squats and wall sits. So I've gone 5 days of working out each day. I plan on doing something tomorrow too. I think Sundays will be my rest day where I don't do anything. I know I'll go crazy if I try to work out every day.

So, love or hate Oprah, I have found some insightful articles on her website. This article is one of those. It's titled "The Only Weight Loss Tip You'll Ever Need." The article talks about the importance of being active and how you'll only really stick to working out when you find a reason that truly matters. It gives a list of reasons people should be motivated to work out like fighting disease, losing weight and keeping it off, not sleeping well, and slowing the effects of aging. The next part is what probably resonated with me the most--throw away the excuses you've been using. My excuse was always that I was too busy and tired. After a week of working out, I now know that those excuses didn't really make that much of a difference. The last part of the article is about setting your goals. It has five questions listed that you are to answer about your goals. So I figured instead of writing out a list of resolutions, I'll answer these questions about getting healthy through exercise.

1. What is my exercise goal?
To exercise at least 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes.

2. What's the most positive outcome of achieving this goal?
This will help me lose weight and get in shape. Also, it will make me become the healthy person I should be at this age.

3. What's the main obstacle standing in the way?

My work schedule consisting of long days and me feeling tired.

4. How can I overcome the obstacle?
Go to sleep earlier every night so I still get the same about of sleep.

5. How should I achieve my goal?
By working out in the morning at 6am on the weeks I work from 9am-6pm and working out after work on the weeks I work 8am-5pm.

Answering those 5 questions makes me realize it really is an easy answer to my problem. I just need to keep my motivation up to stay going to the gym. Only positive things can come from this. I'm excited to see how my progress goes!

Happy New Year!! May 2011 be amazing for everyone!

Day: 194 (For real!)

So, I was only 2 days off with my guess! And today is actually day 194. Crazy to think I started this 171 days ago. I could've made a lot of progress in that time if I had decided to do something, but oh well. Here I am now.

I have successfully gone to the gym every day since I've joined! Today was a half day at work so I was home before it was dark outside. I decided to walk to the gym because it really is quite close. Only a 15 minute walk or so. There were only 3 other people at the gym when I got there so it was a nice work out. I forgot how much I actually enjoy working out. I grew up playing sports and being fairly active, even though I was still over weight. At my lowest in high school I was playing softball for my school. Practices were always tough and conditioning was my least favorite thing in the world. But damn does that get you in good shape. It's funny how looking back you realize you were in good shape but at the time you saw yourself as fat.

I think when I lose weight this time I'll appreciate it a lot more. Every pound really makes a difference. So does the effort you put in. I plan on walking to the gym again tomorrow since I have the day off. I'm also going to walk to drop my rent off. That could turn out to be a long walk but that's okay. The weather should be nice.

I've decided next week I'm really going to start to follow Weight Watchers again. I will definitely say I've been eating healthier this week. Funny how after working out the last thing you want to eat is a burger from McDonalds but instead something healthy.

I'm going back to where I went to school February 18th to meet up with friends for one of their birthdays. My goal is have lost 15-20 pounds by then. It's an aggressive goal sure but I think I can do it. I've lost weight so far without being truly focused and without working out. Adding in those two things should produce even better results. I don't want to get attached to the scale because I've been known to do that. Tomorrow I'm going to buy a tape measure so I can check my measurements each week, in addition to weighing myself. I've also found wearing form fitting clothes is a great way to keep yourself in check. Last week a pair of my jeans were a little tight for my taste. But I wore them to remind myself I didn't want my jeans to be like that. This week, they fit better. I read somewhere about making a challenge for yourself by trying to fit into a smaller item of clothing. When I went to New York City I bought two NYC shirts. They're definitely tight and form fitting. I've never worn them because I felt they were too tight. My goal is by the end of January to be comfortable wearing one. I'm going to take pictures of myself tonight to also see my progress. Probably not posting the pictures because I'm not comfortable being that exposed yet.

I am very excited for 2011, I think it will be a great year!

Day: I'm guessing 194

We'll see how close my guess is when I figure out what day it actually is.

I did it. I woke myself up at 5:45am and got myself to the gym. There were actually other people there surprisingly. My main goal was getting myself to the gym and I really didn't think about eating before I left. I just did the elliptical but as time was going by, I started feeling worse and worse. I was at 15 minutes and just felt awful. I had planned on doing 30 minutes, but by the time I reached 20 minutes, I knew I had to stop and thank god I did. Right after I got off the machine I felt like I was going to faint, I held onto the machine but knew I was right at the point before I went down. Not wanting to really start my day by fainting at a gym, I crouched down and put my head down. After maybe a minute I felt fine to walk out to my car and leave.

The importance from this is I learned that you really have to know your body. I've fainted a lot since I was in middle school. It's really nothing scary, it just happens to me more than most people. Since it's happened so many times though, I really know the signs for when I'm about to actually pass out. It's helped me prevent it from happening a lot. Today was just another one of those instances. I'm so motivated to do this and to try my hardest. But if I would've pushed myself to do 30 minutes today I definitely would've fainted right off the damn machine. And hey, my ass was up and out the door to the gym when it was still dark outside and I worked out for 20 minutes. That's more than I can say I normally do. It was still an accomplishment.

Work has been really slow this week so my goal tomorrow is to find a really good ab workout to start doing. If I have a "problem area" that would be it. Hopefully I'll find something good to post tomorrow!

Day: I'll Figure It Out Tomorrow

Well, I did it. I walked into the gym a few blocks down from my apartment, signed up and worked out. Probably that guy's easiest sale of the day. I realized something though today waiting to go down there and sign up.

I don't know what it is but it's hard for me to sometimes do things I know I should. I don't know why I do this. I did this with my student loans, by waiting until the last minute to actually see what I owed before the payment was due. Maybe I believe if I don't have to deal with it, it's not a problem. I'm not entirely sure. But, as I was driving home from work the excuses for not going to sign up for the gym began popping into my head... I was tired, it was a long day at work, maybe the gym is going to be too full, maybe I won't like the gym, maybe I should research other gyms, maybe I should buy new gym clothes first before I go. All stupid excuses that really weren't important.

So I got home and ate dinner. I told myself I would leave at 6:30 and slowly began finding ways to procrastinate online. Finally, I changed into my work out clothes. Put together my work out bag. Thought maybe I wouldn't go because I wasn't really sure what bag to bring. See how stupid my excuses are? It's almost like I reach for anything at all. And it wasn't that I didn't want to work out because I did. It was more the nerves of walking into some place I'd never been and signing up for it. I hate the unknown. For some reason though, my mind isn't put up with my inner voice's excuses. I decided screw it, grabbed my work out bag and headed out to my car. I even sat in my car for a bit before turning the engine on... maybe you should go another day, your car battery was dead this morning, are you sure you want to drive it? I turned the key and drove there, it's literally 2 minutes away driving. I plan on walking there some days, if it's not pitch black outside.

So I get to the parking lot. This inner voice was really trying to win. I sat in the car for a few minutes until finally I made myself go inside. I walked up to the counter and before the man working could even say hi, I just blurted, "I want to sign up to go here." And after filling out a piece of paper and asking a few questions, I had my card. Simple. Easy. Painless.

I spent so many hours worrying about nothing. I'd created all these problems in my mind that weren't real. Instead, I decided to do something about a problem that is real. Sure it's day one of going to the gym. Lots of people have memberships they never use, but I don't intend on being one of those people. I like my money and don't enjoy wasting it. Will I hate waking up at 5:45 to go sweat for 30 minutes? Probably. But in the long run it's going to be more than worth it. That is something I know. No excuse my inner voice can conjure up will change that.

I honestly don't know where this motivation came from. I'm not questioning it. I'm just following it. Following it to become the person I want to be, no more wanting, I'm actually going to do it.

I saw this video below a few months ago. It has stayed with me and from time to time I'll think of it. It's great motivation. You can change your life. It all starts with one step and a little determination to keep going.

Day: Who the hell knows

So, like most blogs I've made like this one... I forget about it/stop doing whatever I set out to do. I'm going to figure out what day I'm on, for now though that's too much effort. I really should be sleeping but this feeling is overwhelming so I figured I'd share.

I weighed myself today expecting to see the results of eating too much bread, too many cookies and a whole pan of green casserole to myself over the holiday weekend. Instead, by some Christmas miracle, I'm the lowest I've weighed in a long time. Over three years actually. The last time I weighed this I was on a crazy diet where I could only eat certain things in a certain quantity. Obviously it didn't work.

I'm still enrolled in Weight Watchers. They've switched the plan to something completely new and honestly I haven't even really looked into it. I'm going to though because I barely follow the thing and I'm losing weight. I can't imagine what will happen once I actually follow it.

Anyway, here's my moment that really made me come back and make a post on here. Regardless of the number on the scale, I looked into the mirror today and was actually happy with what I saw... completely naked. I'm not saying I loved it by any means, but I saw a shape that really wasn't half bad. It made me realize with a little effort, I could actually have a pretty nice body. Sure maybe this isn't an earth shattering revelation. But for me, it sort of is. I think part of the reason I've failed at losing weight before is because every time I looked at my body I saw something I hated and the whole process was really just filled with hate. Right now, I'm just so happy that I have the body I do have and am able to see how with several months of hard work it could be something I'm really proud of.

So, feeling entirely motivated, I ordered myself a new pair of work out shoes. I've had the same old crummy shoes since high school and they were actually an old pair of my mom's that she never really wore. I'm really doing this for me this time and buying myself new shoes as a form of something that will help me felt good. Tomorrow, I'm going to go join a gym that's a few blocks down. I say I don't really have time to work out and it's true my days are long. But if I don't make the time, nothing will change. I've been getting up so early lately that it's actually become easy for me to be up before 6. So, I've decided I'll go to the gym at 6am and just start my day off with it. Some weeks I'll be working an earlier shift and can go workout after work those days.

Honestly, I'm just so excited to start this and the feeling came out of nowhere. The number on the scale did make me feel good. I'm so close to being in a range I haven't been in since high school. Maybe that's what's motivating me. I'm so close to succeeding, why just give up? Why not put in some effort and really see where I want to be.

I'm not making any resolutions this year since those always seem to be made with the intention to break them. That's why I'm starting this next week, before the New Year. I'm just fucking going to do it.

I want to be a runner, so I am going to be a runner.